If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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