trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
