Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
