I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
