I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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