my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize