I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wannas sexs uuuuu
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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