i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
