He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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