that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
