i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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