I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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