I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize