i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
