Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
