Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
