The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We named our party play list daddy issues
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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