Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Vodka?
Forever.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
