Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
