Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
