also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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