Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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