and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
