people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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