I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
