Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize