How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If I die, sorry about rent.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
