I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
