so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
