I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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