all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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