I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
