You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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