Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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