My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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