my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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