Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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