So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am mentally ready for anal.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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