Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
