Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
