just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
