was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Even my vagina gasped.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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