Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
