i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
