So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
