Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
