somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
