I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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