Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
