I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize