Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Im part way to drunk.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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