apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
