I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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