my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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