Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We have so much sex to catch up on
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
