she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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