Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
