I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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