Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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