I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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