You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
