I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
