it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize