You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
